Tragic Soul Read online

  The door opened, and I smiled at Paulie walking in. “Hey there.”

  Paulie walked around my bed and sat behind me. He kissed my cheek, then waved at Nick. “ ’Sup, man? Good to see ya.”

  Nick smiled and waved back. “Hey, Paulie. Glad to see you two’re still together.” His eyes drifted to Chad. Obviously, he knew about the breakup. Then he looked behind him. “Sorry, but I gotta go. I’ll try and get online again Friday. Thanks again, Chad.”

  When the window went dark, Paulie tugged me back to him, forcing Chad’s arm off my shoulder. “Missed you. What’d Chad do for Nick?”

  “He’s sending him stuff they can’t get over there.” I grinned and lay back on him. “Can I make brownies at your place to send to him?”

  Paulie leaned down and kissed my lips. “Sure. As long as I get to be your taste tester.”

  “Always.”

  Chad stood up. “I’m gonna go. I got finals to study for.”

  Classes were to end that week. Finals began two weeks later. I had to study as well, but I wouldn’t pass up a weeknight with Paulie for anything. There were four more days of classes to go, so that could wait.

  I reached a hand out, and Chad grasped it. “See you in the morning.”

  Chad ran a thumb over the back of my hand. “Yeah, baby. Don’t worry about me.”

  He knew me so well. I was sure Nick’s mention of Paulie and I still being together got him thinking. He gave Paulie a fist bump and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

  “Everything OK?” Paulie asked.

  I smiled and leaned on him a bit more. “Yeah. Glad Nick’s handling it well. I wouldn’t dare tell him I was scared for him.”

  Paulie kissed my temple. “Not what I meant, but cool.” He slid a hand down my body to my abdomen. “Any pain or whatever?”

  “No.” I turned so I could see him. “It’s all good.” I groaned. “Damn it.”

  He put his arms around me. “What’s wrong?”

  “I meant to buy condoms.”

  He leaned down and kissed my lips. “All taken care of. Got ’em on the way over here.” He sighed. “Gonna miss feeling you raw, though.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Please don’t blame yourself.” He hugged me tighter. “It’s not worth what you went through. Maybe someday they’ll make something you can use. Till then, condoms are just fine.”

  My eyes closed as my heart swelled. For a few seconds, I thought about what Keith would have said instead. It wouldn’t have been said with love. Paulie was something special. I felt lucky to have found him.

  Chapter 13

  “Why did Nick come home early?” I asked Chad as I hopped into his van.

  Chad glanced at me for a few seconds then he closed my door. “Not sure if he can say. I didn’t ask.”

  I knew by his expression that he was lying. He walked around the front of the vehicle and got behind the wheel. I didn’t push. His demeanor told me something was very wrong. It might not have been about Nick. As usual, I left it alone. He would come to me if he needed help working it out.

  Finals had ended two weeks before. Those of us who had been in school had more free time. Amy and I had gotten part-time jobs at a restaurant. To Paulie’s dismay, the uniform was skimpy. My mom didn’t like it, either, but she helped me keep it from my father. The paycheck made me feel like I wasn’t living off everyone else.

  Moving back home didn’t last long. My 1 a.m. curfew was reimplemented. That made playing certain bars complicated. Paulie suggested I stay at his place on those nights, and then that turned into weekends, too. Soon enough, I was basically living there.

  I had just finished a shift at the restaurant. It was a Wednesday night; an odd day for company at Chad’s place, but Nick returning was a great reason to party. I hoped for a quiet celebration, though. My feet were killing me. Then I looked down and shook my head. My uniform would most likely be a distraction.

  “Amy coming tonight?” I asked.

  He grinned. “She helped me set up.”

  “Good.”

  Chad and Amy had gone out a few times. When Amy came home from their last night together, she started to tell me how it went. I stopped her right away, explaining it was too awkward, and I didn’t want details because he and I were friends. She said she understood, but her expression told me she knew there was more to it.

  When we pulled into Chad’s driveway, I saw there were many other cars around. Looked like it wouldn’t be quiet. Paulie’s car was there, but it was blocked in. We walked to the front door with Chad’s hand on my back.

  “He’s a bit different,” Chad quietly told me just before opening the door. He watched the ground for a few seconds then turned to me. “Don’t ask him how he broke his arm, OK?”

  I nodded, becoming nervous. “How’s he different?”

  “Hard to explain.” Chad suddenly embraced me. “He seen some stuff over there.” He took a few breaths. “Guess you need to know. Talked to Roger this morning. He’s in a hospital in Germany. From what he told me, they were moving some equipment, and an IED went off. Roger doesn’t know any details because he was knocked out right away. Nick won’t talk about it.”

  Tears ran down my cheeks. I had no clue they had been hurt. The last time we had talked, he had bandages on, but his arm wasn’t broken. That meant it had happened more recently. Chad’s eyes told me it was even worse than what he was saying. I didn’t want to know if it was.

  “So, just pretend he’s fine?” I asked, somewhat confused.

  He nodded. “We’re avoiding talking about his time over there.”

  “OK.” I was nervous that I couldn’t keep it together around him. “Paulie’s here, right?”

  “Yeah. Mark blocked him in, so I offered to pick you up.”

  I glanced up at him. “Who’s Mark?”

  “Andy knows him,” Chad explained. “He’s been to a few of our shows. Him and Phil been babbling about sound equipment all night. He does sound for some band in Cherry Hill.”

  With a smile, I stepped back. “Let’s get this over with.” I knew the longer I put it off, the more likely that I would cry when I saw Nick.

  “Wait. Let’s go get you a t-shirt first.” Chad’s eyes roamed my body. “You’re a major distraction.”

  The house was loud. Music played, the television was on and people were talking everywhere. The number of cars outside was deceiving. Some people must have car-pooled. Chad led me through the throng, holding my hand tightly.

  After a detour to his room, we stopped in the kitchen. Chad grabbed a beer and a can of soda for me. At the table, several men were arguing about football. I waved, recognizing some of them from school. One winked at me. The other three looked me over. Chad groaned and tugged me from the room.

  Next, he escorted me to the covered porch in the back. They had strung white Christmas lights along the edges. It made just enough light to see each other, but not enough for the neighbors to know what was going on. A few out there were smoking cigarettes. Then the smell of marijuana floated to us from the backyard somewhere.

  “Have fun,” Chad whispered. “I’ll be back.”

  I didn’t see Nick, but Paulie beckoned to me. “Honey, come ’ere.” He patted his thigh as I moved closer.

  “Hey.” I sat on his leg and kissed his lips. “Quite a party.” I put an arm around his neck to stay steady.

  Paulie was talking to a man about his age with long dark hair. “Have you had any problems with interference?”

  The man shook his head and flexed his huge biceps. “There’s ways around it.” He nodded at me. “Hey, I’m Mark.” He put out a hand.

  I shook it. “Crystal.”

  He blushed slightly. “I heard.”

  Paulie sighed. “Sorry, honey. I thought you knew each other. He goes to your school.”

  “I may have seen you around,” I admitted. “What year you in?”

  Mark brushed his hands off on his jean shorts. “Going into fou
rth. My last year. Can’t wait.”

  “I have three more left.” I leaned my head on Paulie’s. “Feels like forever.”

  Footsteps caught my attention. I turned when they were on the stairs. Nick and several others came into view, reeking of marijuana. I had tried it, and I wasn’t impressed. Obviously, Nick was into it.

  He plopped down in a chair next to us. “What’s up?” He rested his cast on my thigh. “Glad you could come.”

  “Hey.” I sucked in a shaky breath, hoping I could stay calm. “Work sucks. How you doing?”

  Nick shrugged. “Could be better.” He pointed a thumb to the backyard. “They got some good stuff. Want some?”

  “No, thanks.” I looked him over as subtly as I could. He had scars on his face, legs and arms that he had not left with. “Maybe you can come see us play tomorrow night.”

  He nodded. “Sounds good.” He sat back and closed his eyes. When the back door slammed, he jumped and hit the floor.

  I immediately got down and put my hands on his shoulder. “Hey. It’s OK.”

  He whirled around as he came off the floor and knocked me to the ground. Then he pinned me on my back, my hands over my head. He snapped, “What’re tryin’ to do?”

  Full of fear, I shook. “I’m sorry. I wanted to check on you.” He was breathing heavily and looking all around. “Let me go. Please.” My eyes watered, unsure what he was going to do. He was nothing like the timid man I used to know. I struggled to get free. “Please, Nick. Get off.” He didn’t move for what felt like forever.

  Paulie and Mark yanked him off me. “What the fuck, man?” Paulie shouted. “Don’t touch my girl!” He glanced at me. “You OK, Crystal?”

  Nick shook his head as the men held him in place. “What’re you talking about? They’re here.”

  “Who?” Paulie growled.

  Chad appeared again. “What the hell happened?” He knelt down to me. “Baby, what happened?”

  I looked up at him. Tears streamed down my face. “Nick—Nick shoved me down. I didn’t know what he was gonna do to me.”

  Chad took me in his arms as he said, “Somebody tell me what I missed.”

  “I’m—I’m sorry.” Nick glanced around as if he were seeing everything for the first time. “I thought—I thought—” He swallowed hard. “Um, I’m sorry, Crystal. I thought you were…” His voice trailed off, and he started to shake. “I gotta go.” He yanked away from Paulie and Mark. Then he was gone.

  Paulie helped Chad sit me up. “Did that bring anything back? Should I take you to see someone?”

  I shook my head. “No. No. I’m fine.”

  Chad took my trembling hands in his. “You are not fine.” He brought my hands up and kissed a few of my fingers. “He scared you.”

  “He pinned her to the floor,” Paulie told Chad quietly. “It all happened so fast. The door slammed, and he freaked out.” His voice lowered even more. “I thought he was gonna try and rape her with all of us right here.”

  Eyes closed, Chad held me close. “He’s got PTSD or something. Noises make him go back. He probably thought he was saving her from something. An IED took out most of his platoon, so he’s a bit jumpy.”

  “Oh.” Paulie put an arm around me. “As long as you’re OK.”

  I took a deep breath. “I am.” After a minute, I asked, “He’s got survivor guilt, doesn’t he?”

  “Probably.” Chad didn’t sound sure.

  The back door opened again. “Chad?” Amy’s voice echoed a bit. “You out here?”

  “Yeah.” He pulled back from me a bit. “Down here.”

  She sat on the floor near us. “Everything OK?”

  “It will be,” Paulie told her. “Had a little incident with Nick.”

  Amy put a hand on Chad’s shoulder. “You need anything?” She looked at me. “How about some water?”

  I looked around and realized my soda had gone flying when I was knocked over. “Yeah. Thanks.”

  By the time she came back with a glass of water, I was sitting in Paulie’s chair. He and Chad were standing around me. Mark was in his chair again. I took a few sips of water and tried to forget what had happened. It wasn’t freaking me out or bringing on bad, old memories. All I could think of was that Nick had more issues than I could imagine. I couldn’t see a way to help him.

  “Has Nick gone to the VA yet?” I asked.

  Chad shrugged. “I don’t think he sees this as a problem. It’s gonna be hard to convince him.”

  “I think he needs to talk to someone about what happened to him over there.” I reached up and took Paulie’s hand in mine. “Wonder if he’d listen to me.”

  After a few more minutes, we were all sitting and talking. Nick came out again and quietly sat with us. He said nothing at first. I smiled at him to let him know I wasn’t angry with him. When he finally returned my smile, I put out my hand.

  Nick grasped it. “I’m sorry. Hard to explain, but I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

  “I didn’t think so.” I squeezed his fingers. “It’s forgotten. Time to move forward.”

  He seemed relieved. “Thanks. Glad to be home.”

  “I’m sure it is.” I was glad he was home as well.

  Chapter 14

  “I’m serious,” Paulie said. We stood outside a club in Philadelphia, a week and a half later, the first Friday in June. “He heard it from a good source.”

  I stood beside him as we unloaded our equipment. “So what d’ we do?”

  “Play our asses off.” Paulie grinned madly. “Show ’em we’re what they’re lookin’ for.”

  As I struggled to hide my excitement, I checked the picture on Paulie’s phone again. Charles Dillinger from Diamondback Records was most definitely inside. One of Paulie’s ex-bandmates had texted him the scout was looking for a young new band to sign. It had taken him three weeks to work his way down to our neck of the woods. We were in the right place at the right time that night. I just hoped we made a good impression.

  “Where should I put this?” Nick asked as he lifted a soundboard.

  Phil appeared. “I’m setting up near the front door.”

  Nick had come to each of our gigs since coming home. It seemed to ground him. Roger had succumbed to his injuries a few days before, and Nick dealt with his death by pretending it didn't happen. Only once had I been able to talk to him about seeing someone at the VA. He brushed it off as something he could handle alone. Talking about problems had never been his style. I just prayed he was right.

  Chad and Amy were standing a few feet away, talking softly. They had gotten closer, but he was cautious with her. As he thought, neither wanted something serious. They were like close friends who kissed in public sometimes.

  The record company scout came to mind. Thoughts of the future floated through my head. I imagined us recording in a real studio. Reckless’ website and Facebook page had videos Phil shot at gigs and a few audio tracks we recorded in Chad’s garage. A record label would have much better equipment. Will they have us make a real music video?

  Paulie hauled out a speaker and set it on the floor near me. “What’sa matter?”

  I glanced up. “Nothing. Just thinking.” I smiled at him. “This could change everything for us.”

  “That it can.” He pulled me to him by my waist and squeezed my hip. “This could be the first step to a whole new life for all of us.”

  Chad sighed. “Don’t get your hopes up.” He strolled over to us and leaned on the speaker. “I heard this guy is seriously picky. Josh told me that he was up his way a few weeks ago and just shook his head at all the bands he watched.”

  My hopes sank. Chad’s brother Josh would never lie about something like that. Then I had an idea. “Maybe he was looking for a chick in a band.” I grinned widely. “Don’t I bring a bit of uniqueness?”

  “Yeah.” Chad’s eyes swept over my high-heeled boots, short skirt, and low cut tank. “More than just hotness. No chick plays a bass like you.”

  Daniel app
roached us carrying a bass drum. “Play in a bikini. That’ll get his attention.” His eyebrows lifted as he bit his lip. “Mine, too.”

  “Shut up!” Paulie shouted, but he swung at him playfully.

  Dodging the blow, Daniel backed away. “OK. Sorry.”

  We continued to unload. No one mentioned the scout again. I glanced around the room as we did sound checks. He was nowhere to be seen, but I couldn’t see the entire place from the stage. Taking deep breaths, I let the worry go. Although I didn’t admit it, I was scared I would hold the others back.

  Our setlist was taped to a riser. Daniel had one nearby as well, just in case. I scanned the first few song titles. “Scarred,” “Her Desire,” “Outta My Mind,” “Demonslayer,” “I’ll Never Give Up On You.” I hoped we chose carefully enough. Since only two bands were scheduled to play the entire night, we had a break between sets.

  “Relax.” Paulie put his hands on my shoulders. “Forget he’s out there, and have fun like always.”

  I nodded. “I’ll try.”

  Less than a minute later, Chad was at my side. He lifted my chin. “You nervous?”

  “Kinda.” I couldn’t hide much from him.

  He smiled. “Just close your eyes and think of it like any other gig.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I’m here if you need me.”

  I knew I had to find a way to chill out. Paulie and Chad shouldn’t have to worry about me. After one more scan of the crowd, I grabbed my bass and played a sequence of notes so Phil could hear it. I looked up at him, and he waved his hand in a rolling motion, telling me to play more. I did and watched him nod as he listened through headphones. His hands moved over the soundboard, but I had no idea what he was doing. Then he gestured at me again, and I played a bass riff I had written recently. His thumbs-up told me I could stop.

  “What’s wrong?” Paulie wrapped his arms around me, his guitar digging into my back.

  I shrugged, unsure why I felt impending doom. It made no sense, but there seemed to be tension in the air.

  Hands squeezed my shoulders. “Just play, and if he likes us, great. If not, no biggie. There’ll be other opportunities.” Paulie slowly massaged my shoulders. The knots I had let form slowly released. “Honey, somethin’ else wrong?”