Tragic Soul Read online

  “Tomorrow, baby.” He squeezed me tighter. “He’ll be fine.”

  I nodded. Odds were, he would be. “I know.”

  “Um, is this a bad time?” Nick asked from behind us.

  I let Chad go and rushed to Nick, practically knocking him backward. He wore fatigues, which made it all worse. Years before, I had a crush on him, but he didn’t seem to feel the same way.

  “Wow. Never got this kinda greeting before.” Nick put his arms around me and rubbed my back. “Hey, it’s only six months. I’ll be back.” He rubbed his lips over my forehead. “Crystal? Chad, she’s shaking. What’s wrong?” His fingers ran through my hair.

  Another body pressed to my back, and I felt Chad’s hands on my arms. “She’s just scared. Iraq’s kinda far.”

  “We can do video chats,” Nick suggested.

  Paulie made a sound that caught my attention. “Honey, maybe we should go take a walk or something.” His tone laced with jealousy.

  “Sorry.” I leaned on Chad and looked up at Nick. “Be careful.” I kissed his cheek and pulled my bottom lip in. “Don’t forget to wear your armor.” My hands shook as he stepped back.

  Grabbing me and pulling me toward him, Paulie nodded to Nick. They had met a few times. “You stuck it out, unlike me.” Paulie had been discharged soon after boot camp for breaking several rules and breaking them multiple times. “Good luck out there.”

  “Thanks.” Nick shook Chad’s hand, then Paulie’s. “I’ll be in touch. Can’t get rid of me that easy.” He followed Will out.

  Paulie kissed my temple. “You OK?”

  I nodded, not wanting to say anything yet. Reality sometimes sucked. Nick wasn’t the first of our high school friends to be deployed to the Middle East, but I was closer to him than the others. Will and Josh had been going through the same for years. Most did come back. However, not always in the condition they left. It was hard to see someone you knew for a long time struggle when they returned.

  “We’ll be here for him.” Chad stood next to us. I could feel he was holding back his angst.

  It took a few minutes to focus again. Then I took a deep breath. I pulled away from them both and rushed to the bathroom. After locking myself inside, I sat on the bathtub’s edge. I needed a few minutes alone to face it. When I felt better about the situation, I opened the door.

  Paulie stood in the hall, waiting. “Better?”

  “Yeah.” I gave him a half-smile. “He’ll be fine. I just needed to process it.”

  He grinned and tugged me to him. “If you need to talk about it, I’m here.”

  “Crystal, Chad,” my father called from downstairs. “Coffee and dessert is out.” That was our cue to go back downstairs.

  Chapter 2

  “OK. I have to admit it.” Paulie parked his car near his apartment building. “That went much better than I expected.”

  I patted his arm. “Told you they wouldn’t grill you again.” Yawning, I turned away from him. “Why am I so tired?”

  “Um, did you start bleeding yet?” Paulie wasn’t keen on talking about menstruation.

  Leaning my head on the window, I replied, “No. The achy feeling went away. I must have just slept in a weird position.” I yawned again.

  “Will said…” His voice faded slowly.

  I jolted awake when my door suddenly opened. “Oh, shit!”

  “Sorry.” Paulie unbuckled my seatbelt. “You were leaning on the door.” He gently lifted me into his arms. “Guess you really were tired.” He carried me up to his place and sat me on his bed. “Can you undress yourself?”

  I stretched. “Yeah. Just let me take a shower.” I didn’t like to go to bed without one. Slowly, I undressed and walked to the small bathroom attached to his bedroom. “You don’t have to wait for me.”

  Once under the hot spray, I closed my eyes and felt my body try to give into sleep again. To stay awake, I looked up and let the water hit my face. It didn’t work for long. With some difficulty, I washed and conditioned my hair. Then I poured soap onto a bath pouf. Leaning heavily on the shower wall, I ran it over my skin.

  “Need help?” Paulie asked as he stepped into the shower behind me. Hands on my hips, he groaned. “Wish I had a condom. Perfect position.” His growing cock pressed against my ass cheek. “How about I just pull out again?” He had done that once before, when he bought the wrong size condoms.

  That woke me up. I stood straight. “No.”

  “Why?” He wrapped his arms around me. “What’s wrong?” He nuzzled my neck. “You’re shaking. I scared you?”

  I shook my head. “New things… You know.”

  “Everything is new at one point.” He moved his dick so it slid between my folds. “There are a lotta things we haven’t tried yet. Shower sex is hot as hell.”

  I was sure it would be, but something in me feared the unknown. So many new things had turned out to be things I regretted, at least for a while. I didn’t want to regret anything I did with Paulie. He was the first man I ever loved. I hoped he would be the only one as well. Losing him would be awful.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear. “I know you haven’t done much. Lord knows, I’ve just about tried everything.” He groaned. “Sorry. I don’t mean to compare. It’s just—just sometimes, I wish you could let it go that you’re new to sex and stuff. Trust me. I won’t ask you to do something that won’t feel good. Please stop putting me in his place.”

  My mouth dropped. He thinks I’m punishing him for Keith’s cruelty? “I’m not.” I leaned back on him as his arms moved around me. “I guess, well, new is terrifying for me. You know that.”

  “Yeah, I do.” He exhaled over my ear. “But don’t you trust me?”

  I nodded and closed my eyes. “Please, not tonight.”

  “OK. I’m sorry.” He took the bath pouf out of my hand and started to wash my body. “Can we do it another time, though?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe.” The slight adrenaline rush started to wear off. My legs became weak. I put my hands on the wall again.

  “Can’t stand behind you if you’re gonna do that,” Paulie mumbled. “Pussy fuckin’ teasing my dick. Can’t take this.”

  My eyes opened wide when I felt the head of his cock pressing into my pussy. I squirmed away from him. “No. Don’t.” Fear gripped me.

  “Hey. Hey.” He grabbed my arms. “I wasn’t tryin’ to fuck you. You moved, and my dick slipped. I stepped towards you and… Well, your pussy was right there.” He leaned his forehead on mine. “I could never hurt you. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah.” My voice was small.

  He sighed. “Look at me.” He waited for our eyes to meet again. “You say no, and it’s no. I won’t push you like he did. I’ll never be like him.”

  Then it came to me. I was blaming him for what Keith had done, in a way. Giving Paulie something that I had never done before felt like giving Keith my virginity. I felt used and unsure of myself. However, Paulie was nothing like Keith. Not once had he pushed me into something or treated me as if I had to fuck him.

  “I trust you.”

  “Good.” He pulled me back under the water for a few seconds. “We’ll continue this tomorrow.” Minutes later, we were in his bed, snuggled together, with him behind me. “As soon as I wake up.”

  In reply, I nodded, too tired to understand what he meant.

  I woke up to a soft voice saying, “Crystal, Crystal.” My eyelids were still heavy. My brain was only partly functional. I heard panting in my ear and felt weight on my body. “Please wake up before I cum.”

  My eyes opened, and I realized Paulie was on top of me. “What’re you doing?” I asked groggily.

  “What’s it feel like?” His voice was so sexy.

  I moved my hands to his arms. Then I felt him thrusting. “Sex.”

  “Good guess.” He moaned loudly and ground his hips against mine. “Need you to cum, baby. I’m gonna explode. How about this?” A finger grazed my clit, and I shivered. “That’s work
ing. I can feel it.”

  I gasped, clutching him tightly. “Paulie. Paulie!” My back arched, and I cried out again.

  “Fuck.” His body shuttered. “I wanna cum in you,” he whispered.

  “Why?” I barely heard him, but the statement confused me.

  He sighed and shifted his body slightly. “When we fucked without a condom that time, I almost did, and I just knew it would be even better.” He pulled out with a groan. “Is there any kinda birth control that would work?”

  “Um, I can ask about an IUD.” I had read up on my options after the first scare with the birth control pills.

  He kissed my lips. “Cool.”

  I looked around and found the room was dark. “Is it morning?”

  “Nah.” He rubbed his nose against mine. “Told you. Sex when I wake up. I woke up a bit early.”

  I laughed softly as I shook my head. No wonder I’m still exhausted. “Can I go back to sleep again?”

  “Sure.” He got up on his hands and knees. “But you might wake up with a dick in you again.” He kissed my lips softly. “I’m gonna watch TV for a while. If you need me, yell.”

  When he got off the bed, I turned to my side and pulled the blanket back up. My eyelids were already droopy when he closed the door. Images of the day with my family flashed by slowly. Nick’s face was the last thing I saw before losing myself to oblivion.

  The next thing I heard was an odd explosion, and then another. They sounded far away, though. I lay in a bunk. Wait. Wasn’t I in Paulie’s bed? I looked around and found myself in a dark tent. It lit up every once in a while, and the flashes were accompanied by blasts somewhere in the distance. I walked through the flap that was blowing in the wind.

  I found Nick and his best friend Roger, (who had already been deployed) crouched down, holding guns. They shouted at me, “Get back inside!”

  “Where are we?” I cried out, confused. No answer.

  Then I heard a whistling sound and looked up. Something was headed right for us. I glanced back at Nick in time to see it hit the ground near him. He was gone in an instant.

  “Noooo!” I screamed, shocked beyond belief.

  “Wake up. Wake up. Sweetheart, wake up. Crystal, it’s a nightmare. Wake up.” Someone shook me. When my eyes opened, Paulie stood over me. “Holy shit! That was some dream.” He sat me up and held me close. “You OK? Wanna talk about it?” It was a change that he was soothing me after a nightmare.

  It took me a minute to sort out dream versus reality. “Uh, Nick was killed.”

  “Oh, honey.” He held my face to his chest. “You’re worried. I’m sorry.” He groaned. “Maybe the movie I’m watching triggered it. There was a lotta explosions.”

  I closed my eyes and clung to him. “Maybe.” Hearing them in the distance made sense, since the TV was on the other side of the bedroom wall. “You ready for bed?”

  “No.” He kissed my forehead. “Sorry. For some reason, I’m wide awake.”

  I moved my hands over his bare back until they met his pajama bottoms. “Can I stay out there with you, then?”

  “Sure.” He pulled back. “Naked might be too tempting, though.” He bit his lip and grabbed one of his t-shirts from his dresser. “You might wanna put on panties, too. Or I’ll have my fingers inside you as soon as I can.”

  Dressed in his shirt and a clean pair of underwear, I followed Paulie to the living room. The television was still on. He sat down and pulled me into his lap.

  “We’ll do something fun tomorrow to get your mind off it.” He gave me an evil grin that told me he was up to something.

  “What?”

  He almost laughed. “You’ll see. Tomorrow.”

  I curled up in his arms, resting my head on his shoulder. He adjusted us both a bit then relaxed into the couch. The sounds coming from the TV changed to talking. That was more soothing.

  “ ’Night. Love you,” I muttered sleepily.

  He kissed my head. “I love you, too. I’ll bring you to bed when I’m ready.”

  Chapter 3

  “Seriously, where’re we going?” I asked for the fifth time. All I got from Paulie was a smirk. “Why’d we bring a change of clothes?” Still nothing. When he pulled into Chad’s driveway, my eyebrows rose. “Chad’s place? Are they having a party?” It was only like noon, but it was also a Sunday. I was confused as hell.

  Paulie shook his head. “Not telling you.”

  I was tired of trying to figure it out. Since I woke up that morning in his bed, he had alluded to us doing something to take my mind off Nick. The nightmare had faded, but I still worried about his safety. When Chad strode outside tugging a laughing Natalie behind him, I wondered if they would tell me. Chad had a duffel bag over his shoulder.

  “So, where we off to?” I asked once the other couple was in the back seat.

  Natalie shrugged. “He won’t tell me, either. He thinks I’ll spill it to you.”

  We drove south for over an hour before I sighed with frustration. “Why won’t you guys tell me?”

  “You’ll understand when we get there,” Chad assured me, patting my shoulder.

  That didn’t help, though. My mind reeled with ideas. South could mean a beach, but we would have to drive a long way to find warm weather. Since I was told I needed a change of clothes and pajamas, it meant we were staying somewhere for the night. What I didn’t understand was why in the hell would we need to drive so far. Then I wondered if the pillows and blankets in the back were to sleep on in the car.

  Chad sat up more and whispered in my ear, “You’ll like this surprise. Trust me.” Then he started to massage my shoulders.

  I finally relaxed. He worked my tight muscles. The tension eased, and my mind melted, so I didn’t care anymore. I sighed as my eyes closed. He knew me better than anyone.

  “See. Told you,” Chad said to someone as he put a pillow between my head and the window.

  I felt like I was floating. My mind blank, I started to drift off. “Wake me when we get there.”

  A horn honking jolted me awake. “Where are we?” I looked around. We were still on the road. I checked the car’s clock. Two hours had passed.

  “Baby?” Chad tapped my shoulder. “Got you a chicken sandwich.” He thrust it into my field of vision. “You sleep OK?”

  I nodded. “Thanks.” Taking the sandwich, I glanced at Paulie. “We close yet?”

  “About two more hours.” He patted my denim-clad thigh.

  Exhaling loudly, I rolled my eyes. “Am I dressed right?” I hoped that helped.

  “You will be.” Paulie chuckled. “Still not telling.”

  I glared at him for a bit. When that didn’t affect him, I unwrapped my lunch and took a bite. Turning around, I smiled at Natalie, who was asleep against the door, a pillow under her head. Chad had a hand on her knee. He moved it when he noticed me looking.

  “Is the place we’re going at least inside?”

  Chad nodded. “You finally started asking the right questions.” His smirk had me almost as mad as Paulie’s had earlier.

  “OK, so that narrows it down. Not.” I huffed, frustrated again. If he wanted to play 20 Questions, I was down for it. “Will there be a lotta people there?

  “Yes.” Chad bit his lip.

  I hoped that meant I was getting close. “Will there be music playing?”

  Paulie answered, “Yep.” His grin encouraged me.

  “Will it be live music or just CDs playing?”

  Chad sighed. “Yes or no questions only.”

  “Fine.” I turned back in my seat and thought about a few questions to help narrow it down. “Will we be dancing?”

  “No!” Chad and Paulie both almost shouted.

  I smiled. “Good.” I put my hands together and tapped my fingertips. “Hmm, so it’s rock music?”

  “Yeah.” Chad yawned. “My turn for a nap again.”

  Paulie turned for a second. “I thought you were gonna drive for a while.”

  “Sure. I just got
bored.” Chad moved around. “Good thing I crashed after Crystal did.”

  I scowled at them both. “What happened to me getting answers here?”

  “Keep asking, baby.” Chad put a hand on my shoulder. “I can drive and talk at the same time. Actually, that would keep me awake.”

  Paulie yawned. “Good, then I can sleep.” He pulled off the highway, and they switched seats. “Wake me if you need me.” He kissed my lips through the open window.

  “Wait.” I opened my door. “I can sit in the back.”

  Shaking his head, Paulie touched my face. “It’s fine. Plenty of room in the back.”

  When we were on the highway again, I watched Chad for a minute or two. His eyes were on the cars around us and the road. Natalie had made a difference in his life. He seemed happier than I remembered ever seeing him. The slight jealousy I felt when he was with someone was muted in Natalie’ case. Although, I still dreamed and fantasized about him at times.

  “Did you think of another question?” Chad asked.

  I blinked my eyes a few times to get the image of him clad in only his tented underwear out of my head. “Uh, I guess.” I paused as I tried to remember what I was going to ask. “Um, so is it live music?”

  “Yes.” Chad did not sound happy I found out that tidbit. “Don’t ask who’s playin’. I ain’t tellin’.”

  I sulked a few minutes, not sure how I could get him to tell me. Wait. Maybe it’s not a concert. Maybe they’ll just be a band there. But then again, if it wasn’t a concert, why would who’s playing matter. It had to be a concert.

  “What state are we going to?”

  Chad chuckled. “Forgot the rules already?”

  “Oh, yeah.” I sighed and watched for signs to try and figure out where we were. It took a few miles before I saw a sign, but the town’s name didn’t help. A few more signs did no good, either. Geography was never my strong suit. Then I saw a sign that did help. “Virginia Beach?” I asked.

  He tried not to laugh again. “Nope.”

  “Ugh! This is annoying!”

  “Shh. You’re gonna wake them up.”

  I banged my head on the seat. “Virginia the state?”