Tragic Soul Read online

  I reached over and took his hand in mine. “Yes. Please let it go. This was my choice. Seriously. I didn’t do it for just you. I did it for us. And so we don’t wind up in the position of being young parents. Even you said condoms aren’t 100 percent.”

  “Stay with me tonight.” His voice was soft. “I’ll take you to school tomorrow.”

  Watching him, I knew why he was asking. “It’s out of your way, though.”

  He sighed. “Doesn’t matter. Do this for me. Please. We need to be alone tonight.”

  That made me wonder if he just had sex on his mind. “OK.”

  “I did laundry.”

  My mouth dropped. “You washed my clothes?” I closed my eyes, expecting that he had ruined them.

  “Relax. I was careful. You taught me well. I separated everything, and all your stuff went on low in the dryer.”

  The dread slowly faded. “Nothing got stained or shrunk?” I chanced a glimpse at him.

  “Nope. All good.” He grinned. “If I’m wrong, I’ll run back to your dorm and get you clothes.”

  I nodded. “ ’K.”

  When he led me into his apartment, he kept a hand on my back. “Lie down on the couch. I’ll make some dinner.”

  “Why?”

  He steered me to the couch. “I can see on your face that you’re sore or something.”

  “Something,” I agreed. “I kinda feel it.”

  He smiled and helped ease me down. Then he lifted my feet and put them on the cushion next to me. “Humor me. I wanna take care of you.”

  “Fine.”

  I frowned at him, but he just handed me the remote. Giving up, I turned on the television and found something to watch. Every once in a while, I glanced at him in the small kitchen. He moved back and forth, cooking something that surprisingly smelled good. It seemed my cooking lessons had paid off.

  “Taste this.” Paulie thrust a fork near my mouth.

  I let him feed me. “Wow. What’s on the chicken?”

  “Italian dressing.” He grinned. “I thought if that Hawaiian marinade was good, I could try salad dressings. Ranch didn’t turn out so good, but this and raspberry something-or-other is good.” He looked proud of himself.

  Smiling, I ran a hand over his thigh. “You’re so creative.”

  He laughed. “Didn’t think I would be in the kitchen, but I’m really getting the hang of this cooking thing.” He leaned down and kissed my nose before returning to the kitchen.

  Minutes later, he brought dinner to me. We sat and ate together on the couch. The slight look of guilt still had not left his face. I could feel his anxiety as well. The longer we sat there, it seemed the worse it got.

  By the time we had finished eating, I had had enough. “What’s really going on? Is it just the appointment?”

  He sighed and met my questioning eyes. “Not just that. I’m kinda overwhelmed by this.” His gaze drifted down for a few seconds. Then he looked up. Tears had filled his eyes. “No one ever faced their fears for me.” He took my face in his hands. “You sacrificed for me. I know, I know—for us. It still means the same to me. It’s like I could see your love for me.” He kissed my lips softly and smiled. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too.” I put my hands over his. “You gonna be OK with this?”

  Paulie nodded. “You know it’s hard for me to explain my feelings sometimes, but I’m glad I could make you understand.” He exhaled loudly and pulled back. “We’ll watch a movie or something. OK?”

  “Sure.”

  Soon we were settled on the couch, my legs in his lap. He continually rubbed my calves absently while watching National Treasure. We had seen the sequel in January. Nicolas Cage was one of Paulie’s favorite actors.

  “I wonder if they’ll make a part three,” Paulie said as he leaned my way. Then he laid his head on my middle. “If you feel up to it, we can have a party Saturday.”

  I laughed. “I don’t need a party.” Saturday was my 19th birthday.

  “We should do something though.” He placed a hand gently on my lower belly. “We could just go out with Nat and Chad.” His fingers slid over my skin slowly.

  Chad’s roommates were throwing him a party for his birthday the weekend after. Our birthdays were six days apart. Before college, we usually celebrated together. That year, both of our birthdays were on a weekend. It rarely happened.

  “Sound good?” Paulie asked.

  I smiled. “Yeah. Something quiet.”

  OK.” He sighed and relaxed against me.

  When it was time for bed, the uncomfortable feeling was better. I took a shower and got into bed naked. Soon after, Paulie shed a towel and stepped into a pair of pajama pants.

  “Why are you getting dressed?” I was confused.

  He looked at me. “I don’t wanna make it worse. This way I won’t be tempted to make love to you.”

  “I’m fine.” It wasn’t the whole truth. I was still a bit tender.

  Climbing into bed, he sighed loudly. “I’ll hurt you tonight. I just know it.”

  I didn’t want to fight about it with him. “Next chance we have, I want you on top of me.”

  He grinned then pulled me into his arms. “Promise. I do have to work all week though. It may not be till Friday or Saturday.”

  “I can wait.” We kissed, and then I snuggled into his chest. “ ’Night. Love you.”

  Chapter 7

  I looked around Paulie’s kitchen. The table was covered with platters of appetizers he and I had put together. They all looked good. I opened the refrigerator. Beer and soda stood beside bottles of water. The main entrée took up the next shelf.

  “Will you sit down?” Paulie came out of the bedroom, pulling on a T-shirt. “It’s your birthday. Relax.”

  It was easy for him to say. I was sexually frustrated. He had to work double shifts all week because one of the bartenders quit. I spent the week alone, for the most part.

  He stood behind me and rubbed my arms. “Why’re you so hyper?”

  “Um…” I wasn’t sure how to put it without sounding resentful. “I’m just a bit stressed.”

  His hands moved to my shoulders and squeezed. “Damn, you’re tense.” Then he groaned. “Don’t you masturbate?”

  My eyes opened wide. “Uh, no.” We had never talked about that. “It kinda doesn’t work.”

  “How can it not work?” He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled my neck. “I can get you a vibrator, if you need one.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. When I try, it just makes me want you more.”

  “Oh.” He chuckled against my skin. “Need my dick to feel good, huh? I can give you that.” He turned me around and started pushing me towards the bedroom. A knock on the door made us both turn. “Great timing.” He groaned and turned to the door, saying, “To be continued later.”

  Chad walked in carrying a cake box. He set it on the empty stove top and turned to me. “Happy birthday, baby.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek. Then he smiled. “You’re wearing my present.”

  I looked down at the sexy black dress. “Yeah. I love it.” If he had not been with Natalie, he most likely would have traced the low-cut neckline and short skirt with his fingers. “Paulie does, too.”

  “Hell, yeah.” Paulie took the bag of ice Natalie had been carrying. “Nice choice, man.” He placed the ice in the sink. “Looks good on her.” He grabbed the cooler that was next to the oven and emptied the ice into it. The freezer was quite small. “Can you grab the folding chairs in my closet?”

  Chad nodded. “In your room?”

  “Yep,” Paulie replied.

  Natalie put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you nervous?”

  “Nah.” He glanced at me. “Just thinking.”

  I didn’t miss the wink. Then when he stood straight, I noticed the bulge forming in his pants. When Natalie moved to the living room, I slid up next to him. “I see you’re thinking dirty.” I giggled softly.

  “Got that right.” Paulie
licked his lips. “Got your pussy on my mind.”

  Chad returned, which made me step back. “Where d’ ya want ’em?”

  “Wherever they fit.” Paulie busied himself in the kitchen until his arousal was no longer visible.

  I sat on the couch. There was nothing to do until the rest of our guests arrived. We had been preparing for hours. My feet were starting to ache. I pulled off my heels and set them under the side table.

  Natalie sat next to me. “So? What did my cousin get for you?” She bit her bottom lip for a few seconds. “Something sexy?”

  I blushed. “Maybe.” I was wearing the lingerie he bought me.

  “He did! What?”

  After checking that Chad wasn’t looking my way, I slid the neckline of my dress open a bit more to show her the deep plunge bra. “He’s got good taste, too.”

  “Damn,” Chad muttered as he came to stand in front of us. “Need to get you a bra like that.”

  Quickly, I covered up and glanced up at him. He was staring at my cleavage. I was trying to avoid flashing him, knowing how he used to react. He restrained himself, but barely. I looked up to see if Paulie noticed, but he must have gone into the bedroom.

  “I won’t fill it out like her, though.” Natalie sounded a bit dejected. “Chad, stop drooling.”

  He shook his head. “Wasn’t drooling. Just kinda zoned out. Sorry.” His cheeks reddened just a bit. “You’re beautiful, Nat.” He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. “I don’t want you to be like anyone else.”

  She nodded. “OK.”

  Within 20 minutes, the living room was jammed with our bandmates and their dates. Laughter filled the room as Daniel told the story of how he met Monica, who he had brought to the party. She was a stripper, and she blew him off until he gave her a ride on his bike.

  “And you said yes to that?” Andy asked, shocked.

  Daniel grinned. “What can I say? My bike’s a chick magnet.” He threw an arm over Monica’s shoulders. “Right, babe?”

  “Right.” She winked and pretended to bite him.

  Chad shook his head. “Enough about your sex life.”

  “You’re just jealous I get it every night.” Daniel cocked an eyebrow.

  From the expression on Chad’s face, there was truth to Daniel’s words. Chad and I never discussed sex with our partners. It was the one subject neither of us wanted to broach. His eyes darted to Natalie, then settled on me for longer than I expected. Did that mean their relationship was not as serious as I thought? Were they having issues? Chad’s eyes showed something I didn’t anticipate—pain.

  “He gets plenty,” I blurted out, the words almost breaking my heart. “I hear about it all the time from both of them.” Chad’s mouth dropped, and my eyebrows rose, telling him to let it go. “So leave him alone.”

  Daniel laughed. “Do we got a bit of swinging goin’ on here?” He looked from Chad to Paulie. “Didn’t know you guys share. Can I get in on that action?”

  Suddenly Chad lurched over the coffee table and knocked Daniel onto his back. “Don’t you ever talk about my girl like that.” It wasn’t obvious which “girl” he was talking about. He held Daniel by the shirt. Obviously, he wanted to pummel him, but Chad somehow restrained himself. “Watch your mouth, or I’ll knock your teeth out,” he growled, panting with his own teeth clenched.

  Daniel’s eyes opened wide with fear. “Sor-ry,” he muttered brokenly.

  I quickly went to them and put a hand on Chad’s back. “Please, Chad. Let it go.”

  After a few seconds, Chad’s body visibly relaxed. Then he got to his feet. “Can’t stand that shit.” He walked to the kitchen, then back to the living room.

  “How about we take a walk,” I suggested, grabbing his hand and tugging on it as I struggled to get my shoes back on. “Paulie, we’ll be back.”

  Chad rushed outside, and I followed him before I had a chance to hear Paulie’s reply. He pulled me along with him to the stairs. I struggled to keep up, feeling like I was about to trip.

  “Wait. I can’t run in these shoes.”

  He froze. “Sorry.” Then he scooped me up and carried me down to the first floor. All the while, he was silent. After setting me down, he took my hands in his. “I’m sorry I ruined your birthday.”

  “You didn’t.” I stared into his glassy eyes. “What’s wrong? I know that look.”

  He shook his head. “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not. Did you and Nat have a fight?”

  He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. A common thing when he was dealing with things. “Not exactly.”

  “Then what?”

  Sighing, he turned away. “Let’s go outside.”

  “I don’t have a jacket. It’s cold.” I hadn’t thought of that when I suggested taking a walk.

  He glanced around then sat on the steps, pulling me onto his lap. “She’s been acting sketchy, and I asked if she was seeing someone else.” He closed his eyes. “That started a fight. I can’t help but think about how many signs I missed with Brianna. Nat’s been telling me she’s busy and well, uh, we’re not, um…”

  I leaned my head on his shoulder. “You don’t have to say it. I know what you mean.” I fought the tears, willing my emotions back in check. “Did she tell you why?”

  “No.” He exhaled loudly. “Maybe she’s bored? I work on the websites a lot and the band, too. I don’t have a lotta time for her.”

  Throwing my arms around his neck, I kissed his chin. “I’m so sorry. Want me to talk to her?”

  “Don’t. That’d be kinda awkward.” He hugged me and nuzzled my neck. “Just hold me.”

  “I am.” The only sound was our breathing for quite a while. Then footsteps made me lift my head.

  “Everything OK?” Paulie asked. He sat next to us, eyeing Chad with a touch of jealousy. “Daniel’ll keep his big mouth shut.”

  I took a deep breath. “We’ll be up in a few.”

  Chapter 8

  When Chad and I made it back to the apartment, things were quiet. Natalie glared at him for a few seconds, most likely worried about our talk. I could see things had changed drastically with them, and I felt guilty for not noticing it sooner. When I thought back over the last few weeks, they had seemed more distant and less affectionate. Chad was not as happy, either. How could I be blind to it?

  “Sit down, baby.” Chad patted my ass. “I’ll be right there.” He disappeared into Paulie’s room.

  I sat next to Natalie again. “What’d I miss?”

  “Kissing and groping mostly.” She gave me a half-smile. “Don’t worry. I kept my hands off your man.” The tone of her voice was accusatory.

  Without turning, I replied, “We just talked. No need to get testy about it.” I was annoyed at her suggestion. “I won’t let my best friend go through shit alone.” I closed my eyes and covered my mouth, wishing I hadn’t continued talking.

  “Shit, huh? Is that was he’s calling it?” Natalie stood. “I’d never cheat on him!”

  Paulie quickly came up behind her. “Don’t do this today. Please.” He spun her around and held her close. “I’m sure that’s not what Crystal meant. What the hell’s with you lately?” I was glad Paulie saw something odd about Natalie, too.

  When Chad walked back into the room, he glanced at Natalie then sat next to me. “Uh, what happened?”

  “She and I kinda talked.”

  His eyes narrowed. “About what?”

  “Hard to explain. She kinda hinted at something happening between us.” I waved my hand from him to me. “And I kinda got annoyed.”

  He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Kinda, huh?”

  I shrugged. “Well, I said something I probably shouldn’t’ve.” I looked at my hands in my lap. “I’m sorry. I was trying to tell her nothing happened. Then I mentioned something like, not letting you go through shit alone. She figured I meant her cheating on you.”

  “Nat.” Chad suddenly stood up. “I didn’t tell her you cheated. Just tha
t I’m going through stuff.” He put a hand on her back. “She protects me like I protect her. Talk to me.”

  She turned and hugged him. “I’m sorry. Lately, my head’s spinning.”

  “Why?” Chad ran his fingers through her hair, looking concerned but confused. “Talk to me.” He turned to me. “We’ll be back in a few.” He led her out the apartment door.

  Paulie looked around. Then he sat next to me. “Something’s up with her. I hope she doesn’t wind up hurting him. All the signs are there. She looks like she’s gonna—I don’t know—run, maybe.”

  I patted his knee. “I was worried about that in the beginning. But she promised me she wouldn’t do that to him.”

  “Yeah. I know.” He laid his hand over mine. “But I know her a long time. I’ll talk to her. See if I can get her to tell Chad if she wants to end it. He deserves the truth.”

  I leaned towards him and kissed his lips. “Thanks. He’s really hurting.”

  We sat around talking until Chad and Natalie returned. They smiled and held hands. It seemed they had worked things out. Chad made a beeline for the kitchen while Natalie came to stand in front of Paulie and me.

  “I’m sorry,” she said as she glanced at me, and then at the floor. “I didn’t mean to accuse you of messing around with Chad. You guys are so close, sometimes it’s hard not to assume.”

  I smiled. “I’m sorry too. What I said was rude.” Then I stood up and wrapped my arms around her. “It won’t happen again.”

  When I looked up, Chad was walking into the room with my birthday cake. There were enough candles on it to melt the icing. I couldn’t help but grin as I took a step back. My hands covered my mouth while I blushed. The entire room started to sing “Happy Birthday,” and my face heated up even more.

  “Blow ’em out!” Chad cried.

  After I took a deep breath, I blew the candles out, having to try twice. “Thanks.”

  “Who wants cake?” Paulie asked.

  A chorus of “Me!” filled the room.

  Once everyone had a slice of cake or two, Andy stood. “Time to get going. Thanks for inviting us.”