Tragic Soul Read online

  While locked in there, I leaned on the door. I didn’t have to go. I just wanted to collect myself away from Paulie. The jealousy that burned through my veins was wrong. At least that’s how I felt. Chad’s happy. I’m happy. Just get over it!

  With a sigh, I opened the door. Paulie stood just beyond it, an evil grin on his face. I shook my head as he stepped inside, gently pushing me back with one hand. His other hand was closed around something. He licked his lips and focused on my eyes as he closed the door.

  “I’ll keep you quiet,” he promised. Then he quickly stripped me of my panties. Without another word, he lifted me up and placed my back to the wall.

  I put my shaking hands on his shoulders as a hand slipped between us. “What’re you doing?” I asked in a hushed voice.

  “Can’t wait till we get home.” He softly groaned as he penetrated my pussy.

  My eyes opened wide, and I tightened involuntarily. “You need a condom.” It was my only excuse.

  “Got one on,” he assured me. “Relax, or this might hurt.” His lips brushed up my throat, jaw, neck then to my ear. “It’s OK.” After a few seconds, he pushed in further. “Think of me, nothing but me.”

  His lips met mine, and I was quickly lost in the passionate kiss. We both groaned as he withdrew and thrust in deeply. I pursed my lips to keep quiet. He came to my rescue, kissing me again as he pumped faster. Fisting his hair, I forgot where we were and moaned into his mouth. His hips ground into mine, making me gasp.

  “Cum for me.” He gripped my thighs tight and began to thrust again.

  I had already been close by then. When his strokes got harder, I saw stars and tried not to scream. Paulie’s mouth pressed against mine more, silencing me, for the most part. My entire body trembled as aftershocks continued.

  “Yeah. Like that.” Paulie moaned. “Ah, God.” He leaned against me and sighed.

  His cock throbbed. I closed my eyes again. It was rarely over so fast. Quick or not, I was spent. When he pulled out, I clutched his arms, feeling as if I would fall.

  “I got you.” Paulie set me down and tossed the spent condom into the toilet. “Can you stand yet?”

  I shook my head. “Not yet.”

  He grinned. “I love fucking you senseless.”

  Chapter 5

  “But I don’t understand,” I said loudly, frustrated.

  The economics class I had chosen was far more difficult than I expected. We were in Chad’s bedroom doing homework. It was mid-February, and the spring semester was only weeks old. At least the music classes I was taking were enjoyable.

  Chad picked up the textbook I had thrown on the floor and sighed. “Baby, you’re overthinking it.” He sat on his bed next to me. “Let me try and make it simpler.” He put a hand on my bare knee. “Say you owned a record company, and you wanted to expand it, but you didn’t have the money. You could go public—”

  “Ugh! That’s what I don’t get.” I was almost in tears at that point. It made me feel stupid that I didn’t understand.

  He pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “Will you chill and let me finish?” He waited a few seconds, then he loosened his grip so he could see me. “So, to get the money, you sorta sell off part of your company. Shares are like portions. You keep 51%, so you still have control. The other 49% you divide up into shares. You sell them, and that gives you the money to expand. The only drawback is, you no longer own your company outright.”

  I sighed, beginning to get it. “And dividends?”

  “That’s like giving bonuses,” he explained. “When the company goes over a certain profit margin, you can declare a dividend, and the shareholders get so much money per share.” He kissed the top of my head. “Is it sinking in now?”

  With a slight nod, I hugged his waist. “Starting to.” I didn’t want to get into bonds, so I held my tongue. Bonds were easier to understand. They sounded like bank loans. “Thanks.”

  “Anytime.” He exhaled, blowing my hair a bit. “I miss this. Doing homework together.”

  I smiled. “Me too.” I was glad Paulie and Natalie had a family dinner to go to that Sunday. “We need to find time to hang out, just you and me.”

  Chad made an almost groaning sound. “Yeah. Natalie gets a bit jealous sometimes, but it seems Paulie talked to her about it. She didn’t give me a mean look when I told her you were coming over.”

  “Progress is good.” I knew they had gotten closer, and that prompted Natalie to become slightly possessive. “I’m glad Paulie is cool with us. I don’t know if I could handle another insanely jealous boyfriend.”

  He sighed. “Keith’s problem was a guilty conscience.” He scowled. “All the time fuckin’ my girlfriend.” A growl passed his lips.

  I worried he would start ranting about the day both of our hearts were broken. “Please, Chad. Let it go.” The last thing either of us needed was to doubt our current partners because of our last partners’ callousness.

  “Yeah.” Throwing his arm around my shoulders, he exhaled loudly. “Sorry. Sometimes it still gets to me.” He pulled my head to his chest and held me in his arms. “No matter what, you’ll always have me.” He kissed the top of my head. “I love you, my baby girl.”

  We stayed just like that for a while. Then we got back to working on the papers we both needed to write. Doing homework with Chad was always better than doing it alone. Lately, it had been different. Since we were both in happy relationships, making out was no longer commonplace. We did get more work done.

  “Hungry?” Chad asked just as I finished typing up the final page of my economics paper.

  I nodded. “I was just about to ask if you were.”

  “Let’s go make something.”

  We headed downstairs to the kitchen in the back of the house. Chad was a very good cook. I was, as well, but he was more creative. He rarely had time to experiment since college had started. His website business was still going strong. That day was his first truly free day in months. Most of his free time was spent with Natalie.

  Soon Chad and I were gathering ingredients to make lemon chicken, garlic mashed potatoes and asparagus. Just after everything was either in the oven or on the stove cooking, Devon and Bryce wandered downstairs.

  “What’s that smell?” Devon asked as he entered the kitchen. He opened the pot of boiling potatoes. “Made enough for us?”

  Chad laughed. “Always. Otherwise, we ain’t gettin’ any.”

  The roommates split the food bill four ways, so everything was shared. Their fourth roommate, Angel, was at work. So far, they had all gotten along well. I was glad Chad had a good setup there with them.

  “Go watch sports or whatever.” I slapped Devon’s hand. “I’ll tell you when it’s ready.”

  After filling four plates with food, Chad and I followed the cheering to the living room. We had watched the game from the kitchen while cooking. At least Chad had. We handed almost overflowing plates to both Devon and Bryce. Even with the food piled on the three men’s plates, there was enough leftover for Angel, Paulie and Natalie, whenever they showed up.

  The doorbell rang as I washed the dishes. “I got it!” Chad shouted. He rushed to the door and pulled it open. “Nat, you’re here.” With a huge grin, he hugged her, lifting her off her feet. “Dinner’s still warm.”

  “Grandma makes us eat when we visit.” Natalie sighed when Chad set her on her feet. “I’m so full, I could hurl.”

  Chad laughed. They were quite open about weird things. Although Chad and I shared almost everything, I kept some things to myself. Shaking my head, I went back to the dishes. When arms wrapped around my body, I froze. I couldn’t imagine Chad doing that in front of his girlfriend.

  “Hey, sexy.” Paulie’s deep voice made me smile.

  I leaned my head back on him. “Hey yourself. I missed you.”

  He kissed my temple and whispered, “Love you.”

  “Love you too.” Emotion welled up in me. He rarely expressed his feelings for me. “You OK?”r />
  His arms tightened around me, and his cheek pressed to mine. “I will be once I have you to myself.” He trembled slightly.

  “What happened?”

  He sighed and leaned his weight on me a bit. “Ellie’s mom was there. She was upset I moved on. Kinda made me feel guilty.” He brushed his lips over my neck. “But, I love you. I don’t regret moving on with you.”

  I rubbed his arms, wishing I could take away his heartache. Ellie’s passing had broken him badly. I was the first girl he’d dated or had sex with since her death. He had grown a lot since we met. He rarely mentioned her by that time.

  “Wanna have some dinner, and then come back to my dorm?” I slid my hands up his arms then to his neck. “I give a good massage.”

  Chad appeared next to us. “She does.” He winked at us and started to dry the plates in the dish drainer. “Something up?”

  “Hard to explain,” Paulie replied.

  Nodding his head, Chad said, “Talk it out. You’ll feel better.” He patted Paulie on the back.

  “Thanks, man.” Paulie took a deep breath. “I am hungry. I couldn’t eat at Grandma’s.”

  I turned around in Paulie’s arms and looked up. “I’ll fix you a plate. Sit with the guys.” I smiled when he let me go. “Want a beer?”

  “Yeah. Thanks, honey.” He bent and kissed my lips softly.

  When he left the room, I turned off the water and filled a plate with food for him. With a smile on my face, I opened a bottle of beer, and then walked to the living room. “Let me know if you want seconds. I have to clean the pots.”

  “I’ll do it,” Chad called from the kitchen.

  After glancing at Natalie, who waited for him close by, I told Chad, “I got it. Paulie’s eating. Hang out with Nat.”

  I was done just about the time Paulie had cleaned off a second plate of food. “Wanna get going?” I asked him as I took his plate and the empty bottle from him.

  “Yeah. Great idea.”

  After saying our goodbyes, we headed to Paulie’s car. The ride to my dorm was quiet. When I got out of the car, I looked up at Paulie. “Can you stay? Do you have a change of clothes?”

  “In the trunk.” He grinned and winked. “Not getting caught unprepared again.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. The first time we tried to have sex, he didn’t have a condom, so it didn’t happen. He also hadn’t thought to bring clothes. Since then, he kept an overnight bag with all the essentials at the ready in his car.

  “Maybe we won’t have to worry about condoms for long,” I said nonchalantly as we walked to my building.

  He hesitated then grabbed my arm. “Wait. What do you mean?”

  Before I could answer him, someone said, “Hey, Crystal.”

  I turned at the voice. It was Amy, my roommate. “Hey.”

  “Did you and Chad get everything done?” Amy grinned and nodded at Paulie.

  Paulie groaned audibly next to me. He knew better than to ask me to continue the intimate conversation with an audience.

  “We did,” I replied to Amy. “He even helped me understand stocks and bonds and stuff.” When we reached our room, I turned to Paulie. “We’ll talk about all that later.”

  He nodded. “I won’t forget.” His eyes lit up as if he imagined what I meant. “We can watch a movie or something.”

  Once Amy was asleep, and we were in bed, Paulie snuggled closer from behind me and said, “OK. Time to spill.”

  “Spill what?” I had forgotten about the conversation that was interrupted.

  He exhaled over my ear. “The condom thing. Why won’t we have to use them long?” He tensed for a few seconds. “Are you pregnant?” His voice cracked at the end.

  “I’m not,” I assured him. “I talked to Dr. Nickols. She said she can put an IUD in, but my insurance doesn’t cover it. It’s $500.”

  Paulie sighed with relief. “I’ll pay for it. This was my idea.”

  “Don’t tell Chad,” I whispered.

  He sat up and crawled to lie in front of me. “Why not? I think he’s over us fucking.”

  “He’ll worry,” I explained. “He was upset when he first read the possible side effects of the birth control pills. Then they made me sick. He’ll be paranoid about an IUD.”

  He took my hands in his and looked into my eyes. “What exactly happened with that? I mean like, were you sick as in throwing up?” His eyes opened a bit wider.

  “Well, my blood pressure skyrocketed.” I closed my eyes, thinking back almost a year prior. “I had horrible headaches. There were other things, like nausea and vomiting, too. Chad had to rush me to the hospital ’cause I passed out at school. It was pretty bad.”

  His mouth opened in surprise. “Is there a chance of that with an IUD?” The worry was evident in his voice.

  “Not if I get the one without hormones.” I smiled. “They work just as good.”

  He let out a breath and visibly relaxed. “Good. I don’t want you going through that again.” He hugged me tightly. “I’d never forgive myself.”

  “I think it’s a great idea. Condoms ain’t 100%.”

  His mouth turned up, and an evil grin formed. “So then, how soon after you get it can I have you raw?”

  I shook my head and softly chuckled. “Right away.”

  “Good. Can’t wait.” He kissed my lips and grabbed my ass.

  I squealed.

  “Should I put on headphones?” Amy asked. “Or do you want me to join in?”

  I felt myself go pale. “Uh, we’re just talking.”

  “Sure.” She laughed.

  I groaned and tossed the cover back. “See. We’re dressed.”

  “For now.” Amy sounded like she hoped we would start something.

  Chapter 6

  “Um, so what do I do?” Paulie looked around the room as I sat on an exam table two weeks later. He looked completely out of his element.

  Having to guide him was helping me relax. I put my hand out, and he took it in his. “Just be here.” Chad had gone with me to my last appointment. When the door opened, I froze and clutched Paulie’s hand tighter.

  “I’m right here.” Paulie quickly wrapped me in his arms. “No one’s gonna hurt you. Promise.”

  I grabbed his shirt and held on for dear life, eyes closed. “Don’t let go.”

  “Crystal,” Dr. Nickols spoke. “It’s me, Dr. Nickols. You’re safe.” Her tone was calm and even. “Is this your boyfriend, Crystal?”

  Paulie didn’t let go but replied for me, “I am. Uh, how do I help her through this? I know about the thing that happened.”

  “Chad normally stands behind her, holding her hands with his eyes closed,” my doctor explained. “She doesn’t usually freak out until I touch her.”

  Sighing, Paulie responded, “I think she’s nervous about the procedure. Maybe I said something wrong when we were talking on the way over here.”

  “OK. Crystal? Crystal?”

  I heard Dr. Nickols’ voice, but memories had flooded my mind. Chad was able to calm me easily.

  “Honey? Sweetheart?” Paulie called to me. “The faster you lie back, the quicker this will be over. I’ll do like Chad does and stand behind you. I won’t let go. I swear.”

  I nodded, knowing I was prolonging the inevitable. “OK.”

  “If you changed your mind about getting it, it’s OK,” he whispered into my ear. “Condoms are fine. Really. It’s not worth all this.”

  As always, he was the selfless one. “I’m fine.” I didn’t let his hands go, but I pulled back from him somewhat. “I want to get it.”

  “Just as a warning, it might hurt a little going in,” Dr. Nickols explained. “She might bleed a bit, too. Call my service if it’s bad, or if there is a lot of pain. You need to check for the string every few weeks or so.”

  When I was lying back on the table, Paulie kissed my lips. “That’s a girl. Nothin’s gonna happen.” He had tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. His face was suddenly buried in my h
air. “I didn’t know you were this scared of doctors. This is my fault. I shouda been cool with what we had.”

  “Stop,” I muttered through trembling lips. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want this. I’m OK now.” Wanting to be strong for him, I took a deep breath and turned to him. “Please just hold me. I’m fine. I can do this.”

  He replied, “OK.” However, he didn’t lift his head.

  I squeezed his hands. “I’m ready, Dr. Nickols.” I held on tightly as I moved my legs, then tried not to flinch when the doctor touched me, but I failed.

  “I’m here. I’m here,” Paulie said, his voice filled with emotion.

  I cringed when the device was inserted. “Ow.”

  “Relax, Crystal. Please,” Dr. Nickols softly told me.

  After I took a deep breath, I let my muscles loosen up. “OK. Ready.” I shut my eyes tight and tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling.

  “It’s OK. It’s OK.” Paulie nuzzled my neck. “I’m so sorry it hurts.”

  “Done.”

  That word was such a relief. I let out the breath I forgot I was holding in. “Coulda been worse.” I sighed and tugged on Paulie’s hands. “It’s over.”

  He looked up. “You sure you’re OK?”

  “Yeah.” I tilted my head and puckered my lips.

  He smiled then kissed me. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “You wouldn’t’ve done this if I didn’t ask.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “I want to see you in two months.” Dr. Nickols picked up my chart. “Are your periods still quite erratic?”

  I nodded as I sat up. “Last span was four months. It’s not usually that far apart. Could this be getting worse?” I hoped not.

  She smiled. “I can check your hormone levels again. Before you leave, Pilar can take blood. I’ll let you know if things have changed. Don’t worry.”

  After everything was over, Paulie and I sat in his car for a few minutes. I watched him. He looked conflicted. “What’s the matter?”

  “That was not what I expected,” he admitted. “I feel guilty I even brought up birth control. Are you sure you’re OK?”